Meet the Cogs

The Case of the Stolen Lunches

by

Michael Rhys Scott

On an exceptionally low Monday, Lenny Butterman sat down to have lunch and noticed something strange.

He was preparing to enjoy the peanut butter sandwich he made that morning when he saw half of it was missing. The other half, he noticed, had a bite taken out of it.

He then reached into his bag for the grapes he packed and saw the vine was completely bare. In fact, everything he brought that day seemed to be nibbled on or eaten. Everything except four carrot sticks he put into a plastic container for his mid-afternoon break.

“What’s going on?”, he thought.

Once they learned of the terrible news, the rest of the staff soon gathered around to see for themselves what had been happening for some time.

“Yesterday, my wife packed some leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes for my lunch. But when lunchtime came, the only thing left was the apple she packed for dessert,” said Buddy Sparks who worked in the factory below. “Even the apple had a bite taken out of it”

“I had a chicken salad and some chips last week”, informed Patience from sales. “But when I went to eat it, the chips were gone and all that was left was a container full of lettuce”

“It would appear that we have a lunch thief in our mists”, observed Friday Knight who was the general manager’s personal assistant.

“But who would do such a thing?” questioned Lenny as he inspected the rest of his bag.

“And why?”, Buddy ask. “We all work hard and need energy to get through the day. It’s not right to take someone else’s lunch. Especially, when you have to get up early to make it and then scramble to get to work on time”

“I agree”, said Patience. “It’s unethical and something must be done”

Just then, Friday noticed some breadcrumbs on the floor next to Lenny’s chair. They seemed to lead toward the Break Room door.

“Look everyone!,” she exclaimed. “Someone’s left a trail. I’m sure if we follow it, it will lead us to the culprit.”

Hungry and upset, everyone left the table and followed Friday down the hall.

The crumbs seemed to lead to the elevator which they took to the next level. Once they reached the top floor, they followed the trail past the reception area.

“This can’t be right” Friday observed, “This is upper management”

She then turned to her colleagues who flashed a disapproving gaze.

“So you’re saying a thief couldn’t poooossibly be stationed in upper management?”, questioned Buddy.

“Not at all!”, she retracted with a nervous grin. “I just find it curious that someone who obviously doesn’t have to make their own lunch would feel the need to steal someone else’s”

“So you’re saying upper management is too good to make their own lunch, is that it?”, Patience asked.

“No!”, corrected Friday who began to perspire. “I just find it peculiar considering the fact they wouldn’t have to”

But since I don’t want to take the window back down to the first level, I think I’ll keep my heels in my mouth from now on”

“Good, idea!”, they all agreed.

They continued to follow the bread crumbs until it lead them to the office of the general manager, Major Earl Cogsworth. Also known as, Boss Cog.

“Boss Cog?”, questioned Lenny. “This can’t be right!”

Annoyed, Friday cleared her throat. “Um, What were you all saying again about thieves being stationed in upper management?”

“But he’s our Boss!”, Buddy explained. “Why would he need to take someone else’s lunch”

“Besides, we’re labor. We’re allowed to talk that way.”

“Well, In spite of your obvious double standards, I think one us should knock on the door”, she advised.

At that moment, Buddy noticed the door to the office was already ajar. If the boss had indeed been taking their lunches, he felt it would do no good to simply wait to be invited in. “I say we just go inside”, he advised.

“Why give him time to hide the evidence. I’m sure we can find some excuse go in”

“Let’s pretend it’s an emergency”, suggested Lenny.

“The copy machine is almost out of toner”, remembered Patience. “Since we have to get clearance before replacing it, why not use that as an excuse”

“Oh, Good Grief!”, sighed Friday who grew weary of their dawdling. She immediately peeled backed the door to have a glimpse.

From inside, they could hear the booming voice of the major. He was apparently involved in a amusing conversation with someone on the other line. They could only see the back of his chair as it was turned to face the window.

While he laughed, Friday worked up the courage to speak. “Excuse me, Major Cog, sir”

Upon hearing her voice, Boss Cog swiftly swirled his chair around to see who’d entered his office.

With his face clearly in view, everyone shrieked at what they saw.

“I say! What’s going on here!” he barked.

“How dare you intrude while I’m engaged in a private conversation!” He then clicked a button on his office phone. “Chip, I’ll call you right back!”

After hanging up, he rose from his chair and leaned over the desk. As he gazed at the stunned faces of his office staff, he impatiently asked, “Well! What is it?”

Since Friday was the first to enter, she felt obligated to voice their concerned. “Uh, sir”, she began. “You seem to have some cheesy chip powder covering your mouth”

“That’s absurd!”, he exclaimed. “I consume only toast rounds. How dare you make such an accusation!”

Friday casually walked over to grab the preening mirror he kept on the side of his desk. She then raised it toward his mouth so he could see the tiny particles of orange dust covering his snowy white mustache.

“Oh! You mean thaaat cheesy chip powder!”, he remarked with a nervous grin. He immediately took a red silk handkerchief from the right breast of his coat pocket and frantically wiped the crumbs from his mouth.

With his brow furrowed and knees trembling, Lenny carefully walked into the room.“You’re the one who’s been taking our lunches”, he said.

“That’s ridiculous!”, defended Boss Cog. “I’m the boss. Why would I need to take someone else’s lunch?”

“That’s what we would like to know”, demanded Buddy who was becoming annoyed. “Clearly, the evidence was all over your face. Not to mention, Lenny had an empty bag of cheesy chips with his sandwich today which was also half eaten”

“And we followed the crumbs of what was left and they lead us straight to your office”, Patience informed.

“So! That doesn’t mean I took it!” he maintained.

Just then, he looked over at his personal assistant Friday who stared back with arms folded. By the expression on her face, he could see she was clearly hurt by what she’d seen.

Overwhelmed with shame, Boss Cog’s eyes began tear up as he slowly sank back into his chair. Unable to cope with the feeling of guilt, he laid his head down on the desk and began to sob.

“Alright! I did it!”

“But why?”, asked Buddy , clearly shocked by his confession. “Why did you do it?”

“Because I was hungry and ashamed”

“Ashamed of what?”, Patience inquired.

“I was afraid that everyone would know”

“That you were stealing lunches!”, assumed Lenny.

“No. That I was kicked out the club dining hall because they said I was becoming a nuisance.”

“What?!!!”, they all shouted in disbelief.

“Maybe I should start from the beginning”, he explained.

With his ‘red hands’ clinched to the side of the desk, Boss Cog proceeded to tell the story of how he was reduced to a life of culinary crime.

“As you all know, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, my buddy Clarence Wentworth and I usually have lunch at the Cogsgrove Clubhouse after a quick round of golf

Well, I’m sure you’re all aware that the service at the club has been absolutely dreadful since they changed management “

From the blank expressions on the face of his staff, he realized they hadn't a clue as to what he was saying.

“Oh! That’s right!”, he’d forgotten. “None of you are members”

He went on to add, “Well take it from me. The dining experience there is no picnic. The caviar is never cold enough, the champagne is partially chilled. And the soup is always so hot, you have to schedule an appointment with your oral surgeon afterward just to make sure your taste buds are in working order

And you know how long a round of golf takes. Who has time to wait for their soup to cool when you have to get back to work in an hour”

“How tragic!”, remarked Friday, who failed to see the dilemma.

“Anyway, over the past few days I began to become more vocal about my discontent.

I mean, who wants to consume a blini covered in beluga only slightly below room temperature”

“Who indeed?”, questioned Buddy sarcastically.

“I’m one of their most loyal members. Because of this, I told them I would no longer stand for such poor attention to detail. Therefore, over the next few days I decided to put my foot down

Apparently it was too hard because the situation escalated into a terrible conflict. Even though I offered to pay for everyone’s therapy sessions, the maitre ’d grew tired me reprimanding his staff. So, I was banned me from the club until further notice.

The day I was asked to leave through the shattered glass door of the dining room patio, I had only an hour left to return to work and grab something to eat.

Back at the office, I frantically searched for a vending machine. I knew we had one somewhere in the building because I’d seen the invoices.

Feeling rushed, I wasn’t quite watching where I was going. I suddenly stumbled into a room I’d never seen before. Upon entering, I tripped on the carpet which caused the glasses to fly from the ridge of my nose. After kneeling to pick them up, I put them back on and noticed they were cracked.

Gazing around the room, I could still make out little round tables with chairs everywhere. I assumed it was company break room. To the far off wall on the right was this giant stainless steel refrigerator almost as large as the one at home.

I opened the doors and to my good fortune I couldn’t believe my luck. Inside were hundreds of these pre-packaged meals just sitting there, waiting to be consumed”

“That would be our lunches”, Buddy informed.

“Well, I didn’t see anyone’s name on them. I assumed they were complimentary like the drinks we provide to the staff”

“That’s because you didn’t have your glasses on,” reminded Friday. “Trust me, sir. You’re not that generous”

“Far from it”, uttered Lenny, who quickly covered his mouth.

“But even if you didn’t see anyone’s name on the container, wouldn’t you think to ask?,” she questioned. “If you’re unsure whether something does or doesn’t belong to someone else, you should try to find out. You shouldn’t just take it. It isn’t ethical”

“I guess you’re right”, he said. “I probably realized deep down it wasn’t necessarily the right thing to do. Perhaps I wanted to believe the lunches were free considering I’d never really had junk food before. I was going to start having our cook prepare my meals until they let me back into the club, but I grew quite fond of all the of low cost delicacies you all bring to work everyday. I guess I became addicted and couldn’t help myself”

“But still, it takes effort for someone to find the time to wake up every morning and prepare their own lunch ”, she informed.

It’s also the only energy we have to help us get through the day. When you take someone else's lunch, you’re not only robbing them of their time but their energy is well.

You wouldn’t like it if someone did that to you, now, would you?”

“I guess not”, he confessed.

“Well, that’s a question you should always ask yourself before putting someone else in an unfortunate position.”

“You’re right”, he thought. “I guess I should apologize for putting you all through this. And to show my appreciation, I’d like to buy everyone lunch for the rest of the week. Considering the price is reasonable, of course”

“I’m sure we can come to some kind of arrangement”, she smiled assuredly.

“Well, I’m glad that’s settled”, Lenny sighed with relief.

“Your telling me!”, Boss Cog agreed. “Now I can get back to my regular diet.

I was starting to think all that common food was beginning to make me emotional”

“We’ll if that’s the case...”, Lenny thought. “...You’re welcome to take my lunch anytime you want”

The End